The business of conflict

We’re all motivated by different things.

There’s the obvious motivators of fortune and glory. That speaks to some of us more than others.

Others of us are motivated by the desire for Power. Or safety. A sense of Community. For Impact. To be Loved.

I posted something on LinkedIn the other day about conflict entrepreneurs.

Conflict entrepreneurs benefit from unproductive conflict.

In that LinkedIn post, I referenced the obvious examples of conflict entrepreneurs. Those who benefit from argument, adversarial systems, and division. Politicians, lawyers, media figures. I won’t give you examples of each. I’m confident that some readily come to mind.

Those categories don’t need much explanation, right?

But conflict entrepreneurs can be much sneakier than those examples.

So sneaky, sometimes they don’t even realize they’re stoking the flames of conflict.

Maybe the “entrepreneur” part is misleading. Their motivations aren’t necessarily for money, power or attention. On top of that, they may not even be someone you work with.

Colleagues, sure. But also family members, friends and the many other people who love and respect you.

They can make conflicts less toxic or…more so.

So how do you identify a conflict entrepreneur?

Here are some tips:

  1. They reassure you that you’re right, or encourage you to “stand your ground”.

  2. While letting you vent, they make comments that foster a sense of rightness, paranoia, doubt or anger. Maybe they repeat rumours about the other people involved.

  3. They take sides.

  4. Or…they play both sides, in an effort to be “nice”. Sometimes they even provide information to the other side, which stokes the flames.

The conflict entrepreneur may intentionally gain from the conflict. On the other hand, they may genuinely mean well and have your best interests at heart, however misguided their actions may be.

Either way, they’re flaming a conflict based on positions and divisions, not because they aim to help you better understand it.

Put simply, a conflict entrepreneur is anyone that lets you languish in conflict without asking how you may have contributed to it.

At first glance, this may be an uncomfortable question.

On second thought (or longer…if you need it), it’s the fastest way to break the cycle of blame, projection and division in conflict.

Cherish the people who don’t want you to stay mired in conflict. Remember the tar pits I wrote about last week? Anyone who lets you wander into those tar pits has chosen the easy route - for themselves. Even if they otherwise meant well.

Watch out for the conflict entrepreneurs.

Maybe you’re paying them.

Or maybe they sit next to you at the breakfast table each morning.