Model Behaviour

When conflict happens, we usually think about it a lot.

What happened? What could we have done differently? And most important of all, what should the other person have done differently?

I’m always saying “Talk about the conflict!”

But first, get a feel for why you want to talk about it. What do you really want to achieve?

Whether we realize it or not, many of us manage conflict in an attempt to change someone’s mind or behaviour. We don’t want the conflict to happen again.

So we have a conversation.

Excellent start.

But it doesn’t make a difference.

Why the F not?

Amy Gallo knows why.

First, let me tell you who Amy Gallo is. Amy is a conflict management queen. She’s a best-selling author and contributing editor of Harvard Business Review. If you’ve read about workplace conflict before, you’ve probably read something she wrote. Find her website here or follow her on LinkedIn .

I’m an Amy fan.

Last night, I finally watched a video Amy posted a few weeks ago.

She acknowledged that conflict makes it easy to focus on all the ways you want someone to change.

But you can’t control someone else.

You can control you.

So, it follows, you can also change you.

You can change how you think about or react to another person. And you can definitely change how you interact with them.

Amy suggests personal reflection at this stage:

How have you contributed to the conflict (yes, you have).

How do you want the dynamic to be?

How can you change your behaviour?

Why is your reaction so strong?

What rational reason could explain the other person’s behaviour?

Then, be a model. Be the change you want to see.

This is why I work with founders. They are the models. They are the conflict management influencer of their business. Real impact starts with them.

We all want to take the high road. This is the high road. Change starts with you.

Sometimes, people say the high road when they mean avoidance. They are using an outdated map. That road now leads nowhere.

If this feels difficult, ask for help. We all have blind spots and a third party can shine some light for us. I personally love this part. It’s a lightbulb moment when clients realize they can do something and don’t have to live with conflict as is.

Change is good, after all!

Here’s the video I referenced above if you’re interested - it’s only 6 minutes but feels faster. Time well spent!