Getting Primed

I was out late last night. By late, I mean 10:15pm, but as someone who is usually lights out and happily in dreamland by then, it threw my whole routine.

I like rest, early rises and lots of morning movement.

Instead, this morning I paid the $10 penalty to skip my morning yoga class (actually $11.50, taxes in), stayed in bed without falling back to sleep, and then rushed around for food, coffee and a dog walk once I finally made some moves.

In chatting with a friend earlier this week, we got on the topic of how advice is presented.

She and I had both noticed recently how much online content presents itself as the answer. Or how the writer seemingly suggests they have it all figured out.

When we present ourselves as having all the answers, it can prime us for conflict as people will inevitably disagree

Back in the days when my night was still young at 10:15 pm, getting “primed” meant my friends and I drank at someone’s house before we went to the bar. I think the main goal was to spend less money, but I personally didn’t see any savings from that approach.

This is going somewhere, I promise.

When someone seems to have all the answers, it can be misleading (at best). This got me thinking beyond content creation to the broader relationship of client and a professional advisor.

I’ll use lawyers as an example, because it’s what I know best. The client tells us about some dispute or problem that’s brewing and they ask us what they should do because they know there’s a knowledge gap.

Some clients want to leave matters entirely in their lawyer’s hands. They trust the lawyer holds the answer to their problem. ******

Other clients aren’t so sure. They’re dissatisfied by suggestions that sound slow, expensive and uncertain. They challenge the usual systems and processes.

This second category of client can be branded as either savvy or unsophisticated, depending on the lawyer they’ve encountered (I’m team savvy).

I recently came across an article by lawyer Jacqui Brauman. In writing about the limitations of problem solving through traditional legal systems, she says “We often actually prime our clients for conflict, instead of helping them resolve it.”

We prime ourselves by getting positional, wanting to win, and limiting communication between the parties. Blame becomes more important than listening or learning. The conflict persists.

When we prime ourselves for conflict, what actually happens? Do we save time, money or energy? Or have we merely defaulted to the way things are usually done.

In my less rested days, priming likely meant I spent more time, more money and more energy partying than I otherwise would have. Most clients don’t want that outcome.

Beyond that, lawyers shouldn’t compare litigation to a party.

If they do, run.