Oops…I did it again!

I once had a conflict at work (LOL - I’ve had way more than one!). This particular one went like this:

****phone rings

Colleague (on phone): Hi, it’s me. You know that file for Client X (a shared client of ours)

Me: Yes, sure. What’s up?

Colleague: What should I put in the press release?

Me: Hmm… I don’t know. I’ve never written one before!

Colleague: Well, what do you think should go in there?

Me: Um…I really don’t know, that’s your job not mine! Ha-ha!

Colleague: Ha-ha you’re right! Ok, bye!

Soon after, my boss swung by my office. They had a call from this colleagues manager. Word has it that I made my colleague cry because I implied they didn’t know how to do their job.

Wait whaaaaat?

I was pretty taken aback. Then, it made me mad, at least at first.

My boss over it. They brushed the other manager call off with a reference to kindergarten, which didn’t necessarily smooth things over, but at the time I was glad they had my back.

Later that day (or a few days later, who knows), I called up my colleague to chat. They said everything was fine, it blew over.

In this situation, I was neither an a$$ nor a victim. If you immediately categorized me as either, that’s kinda noteworthy (for you).

I share this because it’s one example of how two people experienced the same interaction very differently.

My “huh?” reaction made sense, but my colleague’s tearful reaction equally made sense. We had different days both before and after that call. We had different circumstances, skills and stressors. We had different days that day and everyday.

It doesn’t matter that I didn’t intend the impact. It matters that someone didn’t respond well to my communication. Ideally, we could have discussed together without intervention.

I bring this up, because quite a few people call me up to say “hey, my colleague/client/business partner is psycho and I don’t know what to do”.

At this point, I feel out if there’s a willingness to get curious about how the other person may experience these same events.

If they’re curious, we don’t harness that to imagine all the “what if’s” that might be at play.

Instead, we recognize that as a sign they’re ready to talk. We plan for the approach, the talk and the potential learning.

Direct communication.

No stories. No BS. Thankfully, no lost sleep.

“Hey, I cried when I got off the phone with you” or “Hey, I know I was abrupt, I’m having a $hit day”.

In the process, we learn about each other, ourselves and the issues.

In that process, we grow and connect and we have fun.

That colleague was my go-to Friday happy hour partner. Thankfully, we kept it up after that fateful day.

Hell yeah!